I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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