I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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