Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize