I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
