why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
