I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.