Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
