worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
