So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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