I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad