Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
