watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect