Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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