the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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