I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
