Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
