stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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