so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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