My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
