in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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