3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
