toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
