well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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