You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
