Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
