The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
