Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
