In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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