What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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