conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
