Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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