the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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