An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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