omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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