I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
