R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
