I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
