Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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