Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do vagina's smell?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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