clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
