Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
