A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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