You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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