The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
