My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
