i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
