I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
