Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Congratulations! We have a period
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
