Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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