just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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