His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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