I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
