Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
