can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
