Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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