do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
