Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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