3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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