WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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