Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
