At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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