so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
