I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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