My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
