He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
