There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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