Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
