omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize