Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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