WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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