You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
