Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
