is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
