Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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