Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
