And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
