did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
