Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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