just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
