$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
