some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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