Plan B is the new Plan A
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
