I hate your face
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
