It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
