please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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